Leadership is primarily focused on working with other people, so the first characteristic to consider is compassion. It begins with unconditional respect for the individual. Sure, they have flaws and shortfalls, maybe in abundance! But you retain the respect you accord any human being, and actually any living being. You don’t have to go through the mental acrobatics to prove to yourself that you’re the better person.
Empathy is the heart of compassion. Empathy means truly feeling what the other is feeling. The exercise of empathy involves interior quiet and presence…be here now, and be with the other person. It’s sometimes called “being a good listener.” Not projecting onto them, not thinking up what to say next…just being empty, just being present, just being immersed in pre-verbal awareness. And then yes, words will arise…”He’s feeling violated, or abandoned, or scared…or enthusiastic, or joyful, or fulfilled…”
Response
You listen, and then it’s your turn. What do you say? How do you respond?
So often we feel the compulsion to fix what’s broken, to help, to give sage advice that they’ll be grateful for. Oh, and we’ll develop a reputation for being wise and helpful. Feels good.
The received wisdom is, don’t do that. Instead, just be with them. Mostly be reflective, let them know that someone hears them, that someone feels and understands, at least to some extent, what they’re feeling and going through. As in, “I’m hearing you say…” or “what I think you’re asking for is….” That’s your first and foremost job.
Then, do what you can to help them figure out what to do. Ask questions. Allow silence. Reflect.
And then yes, sometimes you can help with specific solutions, and sometimes that’s the exact right thing to do. Feel free. Just keep it a little lower on your agenda.
Compassion is the bedrock foundation of real leadership…indeed, of real humanity. Genuine concern for the other person. Giving forth compassion is worthy of being the number one goal of our lives. Think about that.
